Not to personalize it, but putting his head on a pole on a bridge above the Potomac would be a worthy fate for this enemy of America, the Jews and humanity in general.

That should have bought a lot of alligator food.

Cheapskates.

They took him away and put him at ‘Forever Wild’, some kind of crazy alligator sanctuary in another desert shithole, Phelan. He’s going to join 70!!! of our cousins there that they took out of people’s houses.  I know we’re cute and lovable, but come on people–we grow up to be big gators with healthy appetites!  What part of that don’t you understand?!

The sanctuary worker, Joel Almquist, said “It wasn’t nasty, it was very well mannered.”  Good manners are certainly native to cunning gators, buddy.  And cocker spaniels are for eating, my friend, and a tasty snack they are.

Latifah is widely believed to be a lesbian, not even that deep in the closet.  She’s been photographed hugging her reputed long-time girlfriend. 

So why didn’t Parade ask her about her personal life–the readers would certainly like to know.  Was it a ground rule established by Latifah’s ‘camp’–no questions about the “L” word?  Or a cowardly editorial decision by Parade–not to ask in return for access?  Would women stop buying her cosmetics if they thought Latifah was gay?

More importantly, did both underestimate their audience?  Americans have shown they can ‘embrace’ gay stars like Ellen DeGeneres and Elton John, or gay heroes like Daniel Hernandez.  Latifah isn’t a leading lady with romantic roles ’in danger’ if she comes out  (a fear that’s reputed to keep leading men like John Travolta and Tom Cruise in the closet) so why the fear?

It all reminds me of how the Enquirer and its ilk used to play ball with Rock Hudson, despite its muckraking reputation.  For almost 30 years, the tabs, the studio and Hudson’s people manufactured stories about his ‘latest romance’ (with women) to keep the readers happy, no gay revelation that would shatter reader illusions and kill the cash cow.

Everyone played ball–until AIDS brought out the inconvenient truth.

“Publish and be damned!”

Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington,  when courtesan Harriette Wilson threatened to publish her memoirs and his letters

Yes, it’s funny that Bank of America bought up more than 400 “derog” (to put it in credit scoring terms) domain names.  And yes, it’s funnier that they can’t get them all, like this one or “BrianTMoynihanWetsTheBed.com.” Like the proverbial broken clock that’s right twice a day, even Henry Blodget (who probably belongs in jail, not influencing investors ) rightfully heaps abuse upon the hapless guardians of Bank of America’s ‘reputation.’

But it’s also sad, too, that Bank of America executives, who in any case seem to be running a single-minded bad publicity campaign (taking this person’s bird and the ashes of this one’s husband), are quaking in their non-Wellington boots at the threat of a WikiLeaks document dump. 

We know what the Duke of Wellington would have said to this third-rate Die Hard villain (if he didn’t challenge Julian Assange to a duel first).  Bank of America clearly doesn’t believe in the success of its own campaign to win back the hearts, minds and wallets of American consumers. 

Otherwise, they would have told Assange “Publish and be damned.”

I’m no Sarah Palin fan, but this tweet “TSA: it’s politically incorrect 2 “profile” anyone when natl second is issue?We profile individuals/suspects in other situations!Profile away” actually seems right on.

Asking people questions and watching their reactions seems much more sensible (and works for the Israelis) rather than what Bruce Schneir calls ‘security theatre.’

Certainly the latter half of this statement is all too demonstrably true, as Rivers has in her campaign to not become Phyllis Diller became the poster child for repeated plastic surgery.  But along with erasing lines, Rivers has erased her birthdate–and the Times is complicit with this.

For Joan Rivers to be 77, she would have been born in 1933.  This would mean she wasn’t quite 21 when she graduated from Barnard College in NY in May of 1954.  This is barely possible, but unlikely, especially as she was a transfer student.

More than 15 years ago, when I was employed by the National Enquirer, I did a ‘clip job’ on Rivers, going through printed clips on her at AMPAS, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences library in Beverly Hills.

According to these aged clips, Joan was actually born in 1931, meaning she is now in her 8oth year, a prospect she no doubt finds far more insufferable than ‘turning’ 77 (again).

I have to hand it to her; she’s worked really hard to get the later date out for years, and short of pulling her birth certificate a la “Kenyan alien” Barack Obama, it’s hard to prove.

Does it matter if a woman shaves a couple of years off her age?  Probably not; I know someone who’s half-seriously attempting to shave 9 years off hers.  What’s not OK is for the Times to just print it.  What ever happens to “If your mother says she loves you, check it out?”

The Times seems to have realized that telling readers to create and print out their own listings was a non-starter.

The impenetrable prose of the press release claims that starting June 13, in a ‘tiered roll out,’”newstand and eventually subscription readers (wrong order of things, Times) will get a “44-page tabloid section…with 24-hour daily grid listings spanning morning, afternoon, primetime and late-night programming, four pages of alphabetized TV/cable/satellite movie listings, a full-page cover story, a TV-related crossword puzzle, episode highlights and synopses, and a dedicated sports programming page.”

Did they admit they made a mistake when they killed the section 3 years ago and left thousands of angry subscribers?  Nah…

But then, the barely alive print TV Guide apparently had to be shamed into putting back the daytime (“I want my stories!”) listings, so stupidity loves company.

Why would an alligator go to middle school?

Simple: The students are still young and tender.